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June 29 Leo´s Freak Film Sessions #97 (My Last 12 Months in Film Part I)The Bucket List
(USA, 2007) - The only option during my long flight... Maybe
if I were a retired man I would probably have enjoyed this a bit more... Jack
Nicholson and Morgan Freeman may be great but the screenplay is just a stinky
load of sentimental shit... Good for old people, or people who are just afraid
to die in general... What a waste of my flight time! Watch it or play it at a
nursing home near you... A feel-good movie that didn't really make me feel any
good...
 Iron Man
(USA,2008) - This is another one of those good superhero
movies that have come out recently (yes, another one!)... Apparently, Hollywood
has finally realised that adding a great deal of character development to all
the action and incredible special effects helps... a lot! In this particular
fine example of a Marvel blockbuster that works, it might have been the casting
of Robert Downey Jr. that saved the day... He plays Tony Sparks, an arsehole
that we love to love... Much like his real life?! There are some really good
actors all around but I couldn't help asking "what is Gwyneth Paltrow doing
there?" A bit odd... but I guess she came in handy since she lived 15 minutes
away (and she is blonde, who cares?!)! There's a bit of social commentary on
contemporary (and serious) issues like the manufacturing of weapons, terrorism,
war and etc... but essentially, Iron Man is pure entertainment and it
shouldn't be taken seriously... The next chapter hits screens next year and, of
course, there will be a third film coming later... I'd definitely waste 2 hours
of my life on this first instalment... Not too sure about the rest of the
trilogy...
 Indiana Jones and the
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull ( USA,2008) - So many years in
the making... I was a bit disappointed really... and my little brother fell
asleep... George Lucas and Steven Spielberg got a bit greedy... They say this is
meant to have a 1950's B-movie feel but that's no excuse... Ok, it is relatively
fun and I enjoyed the crystal skull alien crap... but it's been 20 years and it
takes a little more effort to keep audiences on the edge of their seats now. It
is also quite possibly the first time I experienced Cate Blanchett suck on the
big screen... Spielberg's latest protégé, Shia LeBouf, is probably the luckiest
fucker in all this... I'm sure you'll still watch this one day, no matter how
bad it is... Everybody loves Indiana Jones... If anything, it's not as bad as
the Star Wars prequels... Who could blame Sean Connery for choosing to
stick to retirement, huh?!
Elite Squad ( Tropa
de Elite, Brazil/Netherlands/USA, 2007) - I was so pissed off that
this wasn't Brazil's entry for the foreign film Academy Award category ( Brazil
always picks a Bruno Barreto film, because he's married (or was) to Spielberg's
ex, hoping that it will be a good enough connection to earn votes?! So
ironically, Barreto's film Last Stop 174 happens to be a fiction
version of Padilha's successful doco Bus 174) but then again it took
home the Golden Bear in Berlin so that's way better! Elite Squad will
always be compared to City of God (actually, anything Brazilian will
always be... for a while, at least) but they're different films... The film goes
on about the slums in Rio, yes... but from a BOPE's official point of view...
BOPE are the elite squad of Brazilian police, the equivalent to a SWAT team...
Not many people get what José Padilha
was trying to do... This is his first fiction film and he's been accused of
being a fascist and trying to make BOPE officials look like heroes, a Variety
journalist even went as far as saying this is a right-wing movie (WTF?!)... In
fact, it is based on a true story (or several) and there are no heroes... I love
how the middle class gets a punch in the face, after all, it is them rich kids
who are smoking the joints and snorting all the coke... It is also important to
highlight this was one of the most successful Brazilian films of all time... It
spoke to the whole country, regardless of class, race or age... The poor were
able to watch it when it became available illegally before it hit the screens...
More than 3 million people managed to watch the pirate version of the film (
apparently the 3rd rough cut before the final version hit cinemas) and just a
slightly smaller number of people actually paid to see it in theatres. It is a
tough watch and whether you like it or not it will make you think about a thing
or two... It certainly caused a lot of controversy in Brazil and I love when
films get people talking... Padilha is now taking his chances in Hollywood...
but not before returning to his documentary roots with the acclaimed
Garapa… He’s signed up with Lionsgate to make a film based on a
videogame (that hasn’t even been released yet)… Only time will
tell…
The Greatest Love of All
(O Maior Amor do Mundo, Brazil, 2006) - This is another film
by Cacá Diegues, one of the most prolific Brazilian directors of our times...
I'm not a big fan but he's done some good stuff... This is a cute love story
with supernatural elements, set in a favela (where else, really?!) and it
features some great actors... If you think the drama you're seeing here is the
stuff you'll normally find on soap operas then you're about right... The music
is nice tho and technically speaking it is not bad either... but maybe I wasn't
sensitive enough when I watched it... Maybe it will make you cry?! Good to see
it with your mother... Awwww!
Hellboy II: The Golden
Army (USA/Germany, 2008) - I was utterly bored in
Lisbon and didn't really have much to choose from... "So why not see Guillermo
del Toro's action flick?!" - I thought. You can always trust the man... even
when it comes to a summer blockbuster! I hadn't even seen the first Hellboy
yet (actually, still haven't...)! Well, it went perfectly with my super
popcorn and coke combo! The special effects and make-up are awesome, so much
that I didn't really care about the script... If I were a kid I'd be in heaven,
except this is more like hell. Guillermo del Toro turned down some really "good"
offers like I Am Legend to direct this... so one can say he's a bit
passionate about the project... Easy choice, you either get Will Smith or a
lovely collection of quirky creatures to play with... what would you pick?!
There should be a third film coming up... but bigger things await Guillermo...
we'll have to wait til 2012 to see it, unless somebody makes it available on the
internet beforehand. As for me, I'm getting my hands on the first Hellboy
and microwaving a bucket of popcorn next time I get 2 hours to
spare...
Redeemer ( Redentor,
Brazil, 2004) - I love Conspiração Filmes
because they do the right thing for Brazilian cinema... They produce
interesting films that manage to compete with Hollywood and attract the local
crowds to theatres... I've always wanted to watch this one because it got an
awesome budget (for a Brazilian film, that is), superstars, special effects and
everything else you need to make a film work. It took the Torres family almost
10 years to develop the film... Claudio's first... And Fernanda Torres is,
indeed, one of the script writers... The film tells of corruption, comparing the
stories of two childhood friends from different classes and Condominio Paraiso,
the residential building that fucked both of their lives over... Although it
took 6 years to come up with the script we see here, it wouldn't have hurt to
keep reworking it for another 3 years, perhaps... I'm not saying Fernanda Torres
should stick to acting... Don't get me wrong... But the story gets a bit weak
here and there, especially at the very end... After all, it claims to be "a
tropical opera of social chaos" and that's a big call! It is still very
interesting and entertaining... Its greatest merit being the ability to mix
comedy, serious issues and suspense to the supernatural. While Fernanda
Montenegro is definitely not at her best in this, Pedro Cardoso kills it! He's
hysterical! Certainly not a miracle of a film but one that might get you asking
yourself if God is Brazilian...
Fanaa ( India,
2006) - This was the only Bollywood movie I managed to watch
whilst in India... On my very own laptop, surrounded by the Himalayas in
Rishikesh... It's a super production and also India's 4th biggest box office hit
of 2006. It's an epic love story with plenty of action and terrorism... Oh,
let's not forget a HUGE twist! Hehehe... All of the elements are there,
including big names like Aamir Khan, Kajol and Lara Dutta... If you're in
Bollywood mood this ain't bad... Let's not talk about how they don't talk about
terror in Kashmir or else we might get in trouble!
Wall-e (USA,
2008) - It was tough trying to watch this but I got through it...
I was on the plane back to Australia and sitting next to me... a couple from
Queensland... The lady wanted to talk and kept interrupting me... Rule #1: NEVER
INTERRUPT OR TRY AND TALK TO ME IF I AM WATCHING A MOVIE! AND LEAVE MY HAIR
ALONE!!! Somehow I managed to not be rude and just sort of obviously looked
uninterested in anything else other than this fantastic Pixar movie til she got
the picture! Fuck bogans! Back to Wall-e... I tried watching this at
the movies but all of my grown-up friends gave me a really weird disapproving
look when I asked them to come with me and I wasn't around any children that I
could use as an excuse to play uncle. So even though the screen I watched this
on was super tiny I couldn't help but fall in love with these robots, like
everyone else did, does, will... Grown-ups don't be embarrassed! This is one of
the best romantic comedies you'll ever see! It was no surprise this took the
Academy Award for best animated feature as it is one of the best animations to
have come out of the US recently, actually, fuck that... It is one of the best
movies to have come out of there recently! It is an instant classic, nothing
short of perfect! There are no dirty tricks to keep anyone interested, except
for the story itself... I thought I was going nuts when I realised it was going
on for more than 20 minutes without any dialogue! Not that you'd notice... but
when was the last time you saw that happen in an American film??? Alright,
alright... The message might be a little too obvious and rah rah but shut up!
Sci-fi fans will love to see references to virtually every great sci-fi film
ever made, romantics will melt and fatties might just get started on that diet!
Whatever you do, make sure you don't miss it... Wall-e is my favourite
robot!
You, The Living (Du
Levande, Sweden/France/Germany/Denmark/Norway, 2007) – It’s hard
to describe this one so why don’t you just go with the title?! Roy Andersson’s
camera simply follows people going on about their daily business for the whole
duration of the film… Awesome music and cinematography along the way. The film
talks about life, death and the absurdity in between. Andersson was inspired by
an Icelandic proverb (God! I love Iceland) that says “Man is man’s delight.”
While most viewers will probably be alienated by the lack of a “proper” story or
common narrative, I thought the whole thing was hypnotic… As if that Bjork song,
Human Behaviour, had been turned into a very mature cinematic
experience. Goethe explains "Be pleased then, you, the living, in your
delightfully warmed bed, before Lethe's ice-cold wave will lick your escaping
foot." Please don’t take this one for granted and there are some hilarious
scenes that you wouldn’t want to miss…
Funny Games U.S.
(USA/France/UK/Austria/Germany/Italy, 2007) – I don’t think
I’ll ever understand why Haneke had to go and make an American remake of his own
film… Intrigued by this and stuck on a plane with plenty of shit films to choose
from, I decided to finally give this a go… It was pretty much the only thing I
felt like watching. Would it be any different? What could he have changed to try
and make it better? He picked an excellent cast too… But, then, as I kept
watching it I realised very little was different… Basically, it is the first
movie all over again, but in English and for a bigger audience… The trouble is
most motherfuckers that go to a theatre or hire a DVD cos they like Naomi Watts
will loathe this movie (or maybe love it for all the wrong reasons)! That being
Haneke’s point…. The film is an exercise and also a critique on all the
extremely violent films we all love to love… So call Haneke a sadist, a
controller, a manipulator… As a spectator, if you love to be punished and wanna
leave the cinema feeling guilty for having enjoyed the brutality that was just
laid before your eyes then this is the film for you! If you’re an American
chances are that you haven’t seen the first film and will never see it and
wouldn’t Haneke get lucky if you bothered to watch this dummy version too?! I
thought it was a smart enough idea 10 years ago, in German… I didn’t need to see
it again… Congratulations for getting the Palm d’Or this year, Mr. Haneke and
please refrain from pointless projects like this in the future.
Manda Bala – Send a
Bullet ( Brazil/USA, 2007) – I remember asking MIFF’s Richard
Moore why the hell they weren’t showing this at the festival in 2007 and his
reply was that it’d cost too much and SFF was already screening it… I was dying
to see this and then, one night, SBS saved my life! It took the Grand Jury Prize
at Sundance and that was a bit of a shocker. Manda Bala would be
nothing hadn’t there been a Bowling for Columbine and Michael Moore as
its predecessors… Anyhow, Jason Kohn’s mentor is, in fact, Errol Morris. Kohn is
half-Brazilian, but mostly American, and he sees Brazil with gringo eyes… Here
he mixes up a frog farm, plastic surgery, a professional kidnapper and one of
the country’s greatest cunts, Jader Barbalho - all in the same pot - to try and
paint a picture of modern Brazil… A country pumped by corruption and torn by the
violent clash of social classes… It is all extremely interesting and
entertaining… The cinematography so colourful that the truth wouldn’t really
matter… The truth being that as a documentary film this works perfectly, but
when it comes to the sociological analysis it is trying to make it gets too
superficial and sensational. At the very beginning, in big letters one can read
“A film that cannot be shown in Brazil”… Well, what would you think of that?!
Maybe that democracy is a stranger or has been kidnapped by some brazuca bandit
or perhaps, you’d think that censorship still prevails in Banana Republic… In
fact, it can’t be shown because Jader Barbalho is suing Kohn for defamation so
until that’s over and done with, the film must stay off screens (obviously,
Barbalho’s lawyers will delay the process for as long as they can). Then, there
are the usual clichés you’ll always hear about Brazil… You hear about people
getting their ears cut off and bulletproof cars as if nobody ever survived a bus
ride in fucked-up Sao Paulo… Oh, by the way, playing in the background is a
happy Jorge Ben tune… Don’t you think it’s hilarious?! So yes, Manda
Bala is what we call “samba para gringo ver.” But then again, there’s
Michael Moore and the kinda documentary in which sometimes it’s not telling the
truth that matters, but twisting it in a really cool way so that you come out
looking very smart in the end.
Lolita (UK,
1962) – Finally! Lolita is one of those films everyone
must see before they die… I am not gonna bother bitching about how the novel is
so much better than the film, because it’s been done too many times before…and
who cares about the book? This is Stanley’s first independent film! No, I’m
kidding! Both the book and the film are masterpieces of the 20th century...
After Spartacus, Kubrick was finally free to do whatever he wanted, or
so he thought… He still had to deal with censors (if the MPAA is already a pain
today, can you imagine what it would’ve been like in the 60s with the Catholic
Legion of Decency?!) who preferred killers to perverts… Lolita is
Kubrick’s most underrated and misunderstood film (well, there’s Eyes Wide
Shut too, I know…). If you’re into dark comedy, they don’t get much better
than this… Peter Sellers' fans can’t miss him as Clare Quilty! As for Sue Lyon,
our sexy teen… She had a bit of a crazy life since then (Hollywood, a biopic on
her would be great… Enough of the remakes and foreign film rip-offs, huh?!)
being diagnosed a manic-depressive and treated with lithium, she took off to
Spain with a black man for a while (remember, it was the 60s), then returned to
the US and got married to a guy who was in jail for murder and robberies… She
also came very close to being Bonnie in Bonnie and Clyde(!)… Anyways,
maybe I am too obsessed?! Sue is now married and retired (not before
Alligator tho!) so I’m gonna leave her alone… I watched the most recent
version first, the 97 remake.… Don’t make the same mistake! This is the real
thing!
The Darjeeling Limited
( USA, 2007) – I’m not a very big fan of Wes Anderson… Let’s
start right there… I love the quirkiness of his films and his arrogance but they
don’t really do much for me. I don’t rush to the theatre when I hear his name,
let’s put it that way. The only reasons why I found this interesting would have
to be India, Anjelica Huston and the prologue, Hotel Chevalier, with
Natalie Portman. There’s some really beautiful journeys for the three brothers
riding the title’s train but I couldn’t really connect with them… The deadpan
humour seen here is not really for me… I still think it’s a very good film,
don’t get me wrong… The music and the camera work are to die for, as all Wes! It
is not everyday you get an American director able to paint India so beautifully
on the silver screen. Absolutely loved Bill Murray’s cameo (it is exactly like I
felt when I arrived in Delhi). Sadly, the whole thing is just not quite my cup
of tea. Will it be yours?
Weirdsville (
Canada, 2007) – You should also just follow the title for this
one… Don’t stress too much if you get the feeling you’ve already seen it… After
all, Weirdsville feels like a cheaper Canadian version of a lot of drug
cult films such as Trainspottting, Pulp Fiction and the list
goes on. I think that if you’re not high as you watch this, you can’t really
make much sense of Satanists, dwarves and all the absurdity that is meant to be
really funny… The film quite possibly features the sexiest heroin junkies I’ve
seen in a while… An indie try-hard… Watch it if you got a joint to burn your
time with… Otherwise, it might be too weird.
He Was a Quiet Man (
USA, 2007) – You know when a movie starts really well but doesn’t
quite end the same way?! This would be it… If you’re one of these frustrated
people that hates working 9 to 5 and would love to spread bullets around your
workplace, then you might get the point of this Frank A. Capello’s film… It is
not a great movie but it is rather interesting and it should have gotten a bit
more attention than it did… If you happen to be a Christian Slater fan, he is
doing something really different here… If you’re into independent films this may
also be somewhat appealing…
The Passion of the
Christ (USA, 2004) – Certainly a very powerful film… Possibly
the best Jesus movie ever made… I don’t care if Mel Gibson is a crazy Catholic
nut ( who divorces his wife of 28 years for a hot Russian babe that looks a lot
like a trannie, how very holy!) trying to make his point and spending 30 million
bucks in the process… I think making films is about sharing and telling stories
and things you’re passionate about to your audience and I believe Mel has
succeeded. It might be a little tough for most to sit through and watch as he
turns the last 12 hours of the son of God into an excursion to the butcher’s,
but it’s a pretty special tour… I love the use of Aramaic and Latin… Also a fan
of how Satan is depicted…The casting is excellent and technically it is very
impressive! Yes, it is very bloody and, no, not anti-Semitist… Finally, I
avoided watching it at the movies because I knew it would make me cry… I was
right!
Apocalypto (
USA,2006) – This is proof that Mel Gibson should be taken
seriously… He followed the Passion… with yet more subtitles, violence
and a cheeky ending… An auteur?! What I appreciate most is his use of an era
rarely portrayed on screen ( the fall of the Mayan civilization) to convey his
message… Yes, there are many parallels to the present day! But there’s not much
room for deep-thinking… Apocalypto is very exciting, an astounding epic
filled with breathtaking action sequences and tremendously dedicated production
design. It is obviously brutal, visceral and bloody… So much fun!
Another Gay Movie (
USA, 2006) – I know… Why did I even bother? This is meant to be an
outrageous gay comedy… Trouble is what grossed me out was the movie itself and
not its attempts at trying to make me laugh with its gross out jokes… I suppose
it’s a gay cult and the DVD would go down well sitting on a living room shelf
next to that dodgy Cher CD?! I’m sorry but I have never even touched an
American Pie film. I don’t like this sort of comedy… Sadly enough,
there is a sequel (with a hotter ass straight cast, what’s the point?!)… Ok, it
made me laugh but mostly I was irritated… Don’t really recommend it but you
might be stupid enough to like it.
Transformers ( USA,
2007) – I never really cared much for the Transformers, not even
as a little kid when I used to play with them… My brother was probably a bigger
fan… Naturally, I didn’t really bother watching this at my nearest multiplex but
decided to give it a go when the kids got this at the video shop. It is exactly
what I thought I was gonna get… A stupid toy movie… It is very entertaining tho!
I wish I had seen it at the movies (properly, with my $20 popcorn combo). There
is not much point discussing the plot or the acting but, yeah, the special
effects were kinda cool. Now there’s a fresh sequel playing at my nearest
multiplex and a third chapter in the making… Boys and cars… A love story that
lasts and it is oh so very profitable!
Burn After Reading (
USA/UK/France, 2008) – This is definitely not the finest film in
the Coen Brother’s collection but it is fun as usual. They’re still mixing
comedy and suspense with the help of an incredible cast. Even Brad Pitt will get
you laughing, so trust the Coens! Just go with the actors and their characters
to fully enjoy the experience. Don’t concentrate on the script too much, if its
writers didn’t do it then why should you?! John Malkovich’s “what the fuck!” is
so hilarious I want it as a ringtone. If you like comedy don’t underestimate the
power of this one…
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
( Spain/USA, 2008) – Funny story… I tried to watch this when I
was in Barcelona but somehow I ended up going to the only theatre in the whole
city that was exclusively playing a Catalan version of the film… Dubbed, no
subtitles! I was very disappointed at the time but it was cool to watch this
later and remember La Ben Plantada and all the places I’ve been or wish I had
been… First of all, Penelope Cruz is worth your ticket… She is really amazingly
good here and so is everyone else. Woody Allen knows how to pick his actors!
Speaking of Woody, it is obviously important to keep in mind this is one of his
films and if you don’t like the guy then you won’t like this either… If you do
like Allen, this ain’t no masterpiece, but he’s in good shape and thoroughly
inspired by Barcelona (who wouldn’t be?!)… It is a really light, funny film…
Everyone keeps bitching about the narrator but it didn’t really bother me… It
made me miss Barcelona and wish I were in some really crazy sexy threesome…
Nice, isn’t it?!
Slumdog Millionaire
( UK, 2008) – The coolest thing about watching this was being
able to recognise the place I stayed in Mumbai on screen… It was totally
unexpected! There were slums all around… I remember watching the kids playing
cricket on the street… I also rode a train very much like the one the kids in
the film work in… So, somehow, that sort of changed my perceptions of the film
and made the whole experience a bit more personal… It made me miss India too…
The script is adapted from a best-seller. It is a really good story… I couldn’t
think of a better premise to comment on the gap between the rich and the poor in
India… Then, there is Danny Boyle… I think it was about time he got some
recognition for his work… Something, I’m afraid, won’t happen for Loveleen
Tandan as easily, unfortunately… Slumdog works in every level. It is
because of films like it that we still go to the movies… I must admit the whole
love story thing is cheesy as fuck, but still irresistible… Also couldn’t help
but thinking of City of God as I watched this… Sorry, Danny! I know you
get pissed off when people tell you that, but it’s true… It is just as
hyperkinetic in its editing, cinematography and soundtrack… but it did take home
quite a number of important Oscars… something City of God couldn’t
quite achieve (nominations were hard enough!). But if anyone was really robbed
here, then it would have to be Bollywood… I’m just shocked it worked so well…
See it, you will like it!
The Lookout ( USA,
2007) – Let’s just cut the crap and go straight to the point…
Another indie neo-noir… Scott Frank’s debut as a director is not as convincing
as his work as the screenwriter for Out of Sight, Get Shorty
or Minority Report. Clearly the actors are making a huge effort (
Joseph Gordon-Levitt made friends with the mentally-impaired and Jeff Daniels
hung out with the blind) but it ain’t good enough… It smells like a straight to
DVD release, but some critics actually liked it… I didn’t, honestly… After this,
Scott Frank ended up writing the screenplay for Marley and Me… Need I
say more? If anything, it is a more intelligent thriller than many out
there.
Doubt ( USA,
2008) – I’ll watch anything featuring Meryl Streep on it… I don’t
even care if it has to be Mamma Mia. But, there were plenty of other
reasons why I had to see Doubt… There’s Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy
Adams (how is she coping after Junebug?) and the screenplay based on a
Pulitzer Prize-winning play, subsequently awarded a few Tony Awards as well…
But, in all honesty, what really made my day was seeing Viola Davis make such an
impact in less than 15 minutes of screen time… Wow! Excellent drama, no
doubt!
Milk ( USA,
2008) – Doesn’t Emile Hirsch’s Cleve Jones look just like me? At
least, that is what everyone that watched this kept telling me… It is true tho!
I couldn’t wait to see this, if you read my Freak Film Sessions regularly you’d
know it from my review on The Times of Harvey Milk ages ago… It’s kinda
nice to see Gus Van Sant doing something conventional again, only because I know
it won’t last long… He’s doing it well too ( don’t you watch the Academy
Awards?!)! Most people will be able to relate to this regardless of their
sexuality and everything else. It is a great tribute to Harvey Milk and it’s
been released at the right time… Obama becoming president (he’s the first black
U.S. president, Harvey was the first openly gay guy in public office) and the
debate on gay marriage and gay rights being largely discussed internationally,
not to mention Proposition 8 in the USA. Top notch acting and an Oscar-winning
screenplay are just some of the good things Milk has to offer… Most
people argue this is Van Sant’s best film so far… So there you go! There’s
another Harvey Milk film set to be released in 2011, The Mayor of Castro
Street, I’m pretty sure it will suck… Now I’m hanging for Van Sant’s
The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test ( YES! that book!!!)… Hurry up please,
my dearest Gus!
RocknRolla ( UK,
2008) – Guy Ritchie is doing his gangsta comedy all over again,
but not as successfully as in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels or
even Snatch and not as badly as in Swept Away. It is quite
entertaining… A lot of people running after the same money, basically… All the
actors seem to be having fun too. Not a bad way to waste your time if you want a
bit of gangster action. Hopefully, Sherlock Holmes will be even
better…
The Painted Veil (
China/USA, 2006) – John Curran is someone worth watching… He’s the
man behind Praise ( yep, he spent 15 years in Australia) and We
Don’t Live Here Anymore… He is also going to be the man behind
Stone and The Beautiful and the Damned, both will be released
next year for the same reason The Painted Veil was made… The man wants
an Oscar, desperately! Why else would you film a story based on a novel that has
been on cinema screens twice before? Or try and get Nicole Kidman to be your
lead (and eventually, settle for Naomi Watts)? Why insist in really
old-fashioned material? Why strategically release it in time for Academy Awards’
considerations? Perhaps, because the oldies that vote for the Academy Awards are
the only ones who can still appreciate the story of a spoilt western bitch, her
arrogant husband and their redemption in the middle of a cholera pandemic in
1920’s China… Fuck the Chinese, by the way, here, they’re nothing but little
poor exotic extras… Not all is bad, there is Toby Jones stealing the show in his
minor role and a very nice music score too… Needless to say, it got zero Oscar
nominations but it is still better than your general soap opera…
Nicotina
( Mexico/Argentina/Spain, 2003) –
Sometimes trying to be cool works… like smoking a quick cigarette. This is a
fine example… Nicotina unashamedly borrows from many recent cool films,
especially from the Coen Brothers, Guy Ritchie and Tarantino, so there is
nothing incredibly original or groundbreaking about it but it is politically
incorrect and I’m sure most smokers will love it… It is not only cigarettes that
kill in a world where people will do anything to get what they want… The plot
involving a hacker, Russian mobsters and a barber and his wife might be a little
silly, but it entertains. More coolness comes from a very hip soundtrack, Diego
Luna, Rosa María Bianchi and the rest of the cast… A bit of dark humour never
killed anybody… and this kind of nicotine satisfies minus the addiction.
Watchmen ( The IMAX
Experience, USA, 2009) – There’s always been a huge fuss about
this project (since 1987!)… So I was really curious about the whole thing… Then,
when I first watched the trailer I remember cringing in my seat and thinking “Oh
noooo! What have they done?!” but I was wrong… Of course, I went to IMAX for
this one, at the time, I was not aware I’d be up for that big a blue cock… that
got me cringing too. Alan Moore is so grumpy about Hollywood, I admire the man
but would really like to find out what his thoughts on this films are… But he
swears he will never watch “this shit.” I can totally understand why it took
this long for it to get ready… It must have been the most difficult thing in the
world to adapt the comic book to the screen. There’s too much… So that is the
main issue for audiences… Every retard sitting next to me at IMAX thought they
were going in for yet another retarded superhero movie and they all seemed to
have a hard time following the story and its very complex themes… It’s almost 3
hours long too! The guy sitting right next to me was drooling at the end of
session ( from too much brain work) and didn’t hesitate to confess that was the
shittiest movie he’d ever seen… It’s definitely not for kids or for pure action
seekers. Quantum physics, the Cold War, the mysteries of the universe and lots
of other heavy ‘stuff’ are all in the mix... Definitely a different kind of
superhero film… Awesome soundtrack too!
The Reader (
US/Germany, 2008) – I am so sick of films about the Holocaust… How
many are there? How many more being made? At least, The Reader is a
good one… It is based on the homonymous novel that very cleverly uses the
relationship between a 30-something-year-old woman and a 15-year-old boy to
comment on the nature of human guilt, the possibility of redemption, our morals,
etc… Walk a mile in nazi shoes, the film asks…. What would you have done? So, as
it turns out, it is not simply just another film about the Holocaust. It’s a bit
more universal than that… and it’s looking at it from a controversial
perspective, beyond archetypes and through different generations. Book readers
will certainly enjoy it as the film often feels like an ode to literature
itself. This was made with the Academy Awards in mind, it got 5 nominations.
Only Kate Winslet (finally!) ended up taking hers home… She dedicated it to
Anthony Minghella and Sydney Pollack, both were producing the film and died in
the meantime… Sad, isn’t it?! I liked them too… Stephen Daldry is in good form,
following all the books… The sentimental music helps with the flowing of tears
too. Oh, and don’t worry about David Kross’ winnie, he was already
18!
 June 17 Diwali #2Here is the final Diwali video… Feio, the beautiful dog, and I make a cameo appearance (tho you might struggle to spot Feio having beer cos the video got a bit darker on YouTube)… Also, be warned… the tune gets stuck in your head… Rosa Mimosa and Elena, you are beautiful and sound like angels! Miss you both! Thanks again, Lena! You did a great job even if you couldn’t find the zoom!
June 15 Diwali #1
Did you read my post about Rishikesh? Remember those videos I couldn’t get from Elena and Rosa entertaining us with their spontaneous music? Well, here is one of them… I guess there is always a chance, if it happened at Last Chance! Thanks, Lena! May 20 Thai EndHua Hin - Thailand
I was determined to make the most out of my last week away in the world before returning to my 'real world' in Australia. Bangkok's airport was impressive... I wasn't expecting it to be that big or cool... Actually, I was expecting to be deported... Brazil is in the list of countries which have an arrangement with Thailand so that we can enter the country without a visa if we ain't staying for too long... I checked all of that before boarding my plane there... However, inside the aircraft we were given the arrival card and that required a visa number which I didn't have! So I thought I'd fucked up pretty badly... I hate airports and customs officials... I really didn't want my holiday to be cut short, even if it was only by a week... Perceptibily there is no surprise element to what happened next... Otherwise I wouldn't be here blogging about Thailand... I was right and didn't need a visa. They were extremely nice people! I had NEVER EVER seen friendly customs officials before! They helped me find my way to Hua Hin... It was so hot! I loved public transport there... I never had to wait! And the paper tickets on the bus were the coolest! I brought all of mine back and will do some sort of artwork with it later... As a matter of fact, I brought transport tickets from all my destinations... I want to always remember these 6 months... They were the best thing that has ever happened to me. And the Thais are the best people I have come across so far... I love people who can smile and Thailand is the kingdom of smiles! I was heading to Hua Hin because of couchsurfing again... I wanted to go to the beach and Hua Hin had one so that was good enough a reason to convince me. That was also where my Thai host lived... Troy... well, not actually, but that was his English name. So 70 Years Ago
Hua Hin used to be a top vacation spot with the Royal Family and rich Bangkok residents back in the day (and some would say still today...). It just happens to be close to Bangkok (about 200 km) and surely it must have looked nice then... One thing I can assure you it still remains the same would be the love and devotion they have for their royal family! If only our presidents and prime ministers got the same.... I wasn't too impressed by the beach there... Above all, I didn't really appreciate all the dead fish floating on the shore or edover the sand... If they were dead then I reckoned I could probably have died if I swam there too... Ironically, I spent my whole time in Hua Hin trying to buy some beach clothes ( a very bad idea, considering things there are all selling at tourist prices) and only made it to the beach on my last day there. I had all the gear I needed but couldn't really cope with their beaches. So if you're thinking about hitting the sea in Thailand, then you should head further south like everyone else or drive a few more hours away from Bangkok... Even better you could always try staying at one of the luxurious hotels and enjoy their awesome pools! Hua Hin Fun Times Despite its dreadful beaches, Hua Hin was pretty cool... Lots of smoothies (with fresh, delicious and organic fruit!) and airconditioning for me! I also went and checked out the nightlife on my first night there... Asian pop!!! You have to love it... and how could you not?! The whisky is so cheap and you buy by the bottle or half a bottle even... The way to travel around town? On the back of a motorcycle (no helmets!)... I was shitting myself the whole time, of course!!! But one could always trust my Hua Hin crew... It was a fun first night!
Then it was time to leave Hua Hin and hit Bangkok! Hua Hin is a perfect break for anyone who wants to stay far away from the chaos in Bangkok... There's plenty to see and do... I would have loved to have seen the waterfalls around there, they were not too far away but I couldn't make it... Please don't ask me to explain why... Hehehe...
Bangkok is an awesome metropolis! It is hard to tell exactly how many millions of people are living there but there let's just say there are enough people... Don't worry! Public transport is awesome and it's easy to get around... Although I wouldn't really want to be driving a car... Yes, one can expect traffic jams, but I sort of like being stuck in traffic if I'm visiting somewhere! You should trust Lonely Planet when they say Bangkok is never boring ( but don't trust them for anything else...)! All I really cared about during my stay there was partying! Those were my last days of fun... So I only came out at night! Bangkok has an incredible nightlife but you must hit the right spot at an appropriate night... So I started with (in)famous Patgong!!! Prostitutes, ladyboys and a cool nightmarket where you'll be offered "Sex DVD!" a lot!!! I couldn't really bring myself to go in and watch any live sex shows neither with the girls nor with the boys but you can still spot some of the action if you look through the doors... They will also try and force you to go in... I was grabbed by four guys and they tried to throw me inside one of the clubs but I am not nto watching people fuck and being scammed... Thanks! Maybe if I were an old fat American bastard?! Sure! But I was not interested... I don't even like porn... I was also given pictures of boys and girls... I could have chosen one and took them home with me... But then again... "I'm not that horny, thanks!" I was just having a look around and tried really hard to understand how there could be some many families hanging out there, doing their bit of shopping and not minding all the pussy and cock around... It was kinda of surreal... After some extraordinary finds at the markets ( there are some really talented designers selling stuff that is really cheap and cool) it was time to finally hit my first club! Lucifer!!! What a name... and the devil himself was there to greet me at the door! Unfortunately, not many people wanted to play in hell that night but still it was hella fun!
If you wanna get trendy and be one of the cool kids then you cannot miss out on the Bed Supperclub. Visit their website and check what's on! It is worth a look... There are plenty of wanky people and no photos are allowed inside... You might also find a superstar DJ on their line up and why not try their surprising dinners (4 courses, or was it 5???) if you can afford it?! If worst comes to worse you can always appreciate the archicteture! The club looks like a spaceship from the outside and inside the feeling ain't much different... War of the Worlds meets Star Trek... oh, and there are plenty of beds! Yes, white huge comfy beds with pillows and everything! So you can sit down, lay down, relax and order your drinks or go dancing like everyone else, there are two dancefloors to choose from! If you like it too much you can buy one of their funny shirts as a souvenir... I had loads of caipirinhas and they went down very well when the DJ spinned some baile funk... It is a small world, I tell you! It is a wonderful world... I also ended up at what looked like an S&M club one night... It was an accident... It was pretty cool, lots of dancing cages and some really beautiful go-go girls... The music was incredible! Unfortunately, we were gatecrashing a private function and didn't get full access to the place... I think it was called Diva... It's a bit overpriced but they are usually open til very late and their shows are very sexy (but sexy in a good way)... I also tried to check out some of the gay spots... I didn't get very lucky at DJ Station cos my friend didn't have his ID on him... They were pretty strict about it... And so should they... They're very popular and always overcrowded so if shit hits the fan then shit really hit the fan! Expect metal detectors and no bags allowed inside! So we went to G.O.D. (Guys On Display) instead... It was just like any other gay club anywhere else really... It was pretty crowded and the music was too gay... I was probably the only person still wearing a shirt inside... Hehehe... Very sweaty and perfect for queens who like to show off their muscles and dance moves on top of podiums...
Bangkok is also the perfect place for any shopaholic! You're best served visiting their night markets... They're everywhere but locals know where to go to get the real deal so join 'em or ask around! There's also MBK, where you'll find all tourists in town, a perfect place if you wanna stalk the other foreigner you met the night before. So if you forgot to take note of email, Facebook, mobile or whatever it is you use to keep in touch with people today... this is your perfect opportunity to bump into them... All the whiteys are there at some point of their stay... I was very happy to be able to buy some clothes, considering I had practically nothing left to wear and would already start workin' just the next day after getting to Oz... I managed to get some cool stuff too (in a record 2 hours, almost missed my flight but Qantas was late, phewww!)! You know when everyone asks you where you got that little something?! The best part is that it doesn't cost much and the worst part is that it doesn't last that long... Fair deal! Before I left Thailand I had one last little visit... It was a daytrip, a long one... to an ancient little town...
Ayutthaya used to be the Paris of Asia in the 1600s... Nowadays you will only find ruins and a relatively quiet little town just under an hour away from Bangkok! We hired a couple of bikes and pedalled all around... It is definitely the best way to see Aayutthaya! You could also jump on and ride some elephants if that is your sort of thing but I didn't really think it was the appropriate thing to do... I could use the exercise and spare the animals... I actually hadn't been on a bike for so long... It was such a nice day! There are lots of temples and sights... So we just got a little map and went exploring! It was kinda fun getting lost and ending up somewhere else... We had a hard time trying to find the Sleeping Buddha but there were plenty of interesting things along the way...
When we finally got there... There was fresh coconut water on sale! Perfect! Ayutthaya was an awesome little break, it was like we were inside an adventure film... The local shops and restaurants are all run by families so the food is awesome and the prices are even better! Absolutely loved it and recommend it to anyone bored in Bangkok! It is just a daytrip! When we got back to Bangkok we even had time for some drinks on my last night away...
"All things come to an end" they say... but I just haven't really had enough of this small world of ours! So I'm sure I'll see you on the road again!!! Thailand is always a happy ending!
April 24 Bombei em Mumbai!Mumbai - India
Trans Hell Express First things first... My train ride from Rishikesh to Mumbai was from hell... I went and saw a travel agent about getting a train from Rishikesh to Mumbai and because it was just after Diwali there were no seats available in most services... But they found me an "emergency seat" somewhere and told me it was going to be a bit more expensive than usual... It turned out that it was still extremely cheap and I thought it was the best bargain ever! I had very little money so I just agreed to it and bought myself the ride... I didn't really bother asking much about the journey... I was only worried about getting to Mumbai in time for my flight out of India at that stage... When I got to the station it was hella busy, the train was just 5 minutes late... There were monkeys hanging out... I looked for sleeper class, that was my ticket... Sleeper class is the worst way to travel in India and it is also the way most locals travel, I was in for the real thing... No air conditioning, no security, no gourmet services or European style toilets... no broadband, no laptop plugs... I thought it was a 26-hour journey and was already feeling it was going to be a little tough... Inside, I got the wrong seat, got asked to move and had all passengers staring at me because I was the ONLY westerner travelling with them... They seemed perplexed and couldn't understand why I wasn't on first class or AC classes like most other foreigners... They seemed worried about me... I felt welcome but could sense they were trying to protect me... I felt tense, what could be so bad about sleeper class? The answer came quickly... I kept spotting mice in the carriage... I lost count of how many I saw, my luggage under the seat was their playground... They were really really dirty little black mice... You know, for some people in India they are holy little animals... Then I went to the toilet and let's just say I didn't want to go back in there ever again... So I vowed not to eat or drink much for the trip... Back in my seat I tried to keep myself entertained with my MP3 player but that died shortly after we left... I travelled with nine other people sitting next to me, they were friendly, offered me food all the time and made sure I had a bed when it was time to sleep. I got the top bed and that came with three fans on top of it... If I moved much at night during my sleep I could end up getting my hair tangled or a finger, perhaps a toe, chopped off... Nice! I am not complaining, at the very least, it wasn't too hot! The train would stop in little towns all the time... Each time it stopped people would jump in selling all sorts of things... From bananas to padlocks, from samosas to radios... Many people would also jump in for a free ride... There were inspectors around but they didn't show up more than once... It was heartbreaking to see the young lady travelling with her baby sitting with us being kicked out of her seat... She travelled with her infant sitting on the floor next to the toilet door for the rest of the time... At one point, some trannies came in... They slapped men until they gave them money... It was really funny! They seemed so powerful and so unashamed and they didn't see me! I am sure they would have kept slapping me forever because I was one broke western motherfucker! Then the scariest moment of my entire world trip took place... I thought my time had come! In the middle of the night, somewhere... In the middle of nowhere, the train stopped... I couldn't see a damn thing outside so dark a night it was, but I could hear voices shouting... I had no idea what was being said but whoever those people were they sounded very angry! Then all of the passengers inside looked scared, everyone started closing their windows desperately... They were in panic... They were hiding and putting their heads down, trying to protect themselves... Rocks were thrown at us... The voices sounded like they were coming closer... I didn't know what was happening and was shitting myself just from seeing everyone shitting themselves... I thought if those people got inside our carriage they were gonna kill everyone... I thought I was going to die... I didn't even understand why all that was happening but I could see the fear in peoples' faces and it looked like the end was near... Fortunately, the train started moving again and people inside looked relieved and they were smiling at each other... My heart was pumping fast to remind me I was still alive... Fuuuuuck me... Phew! In the morning, I realised that my 26-hour trip was actually a 52-hour journey... I had to stay inside that train for yet another day... I almost cried... But what was the point in that? Later, when I finally arrived in Mumbai I was told I jumped aboard the worst train line in the whole of India... So my advice to anyone travelling long distances is to plan and book ahead... Also, there are wonderful train services available... Just make sure you choose the right one and don't always rely on a travel agent for that... Don't be me... I am the human version of a fuck-up! And the Oscar Goes To...
I arrived in Mumbai around 4 a.m. which is always a great time to turn up at a stranger's door. Yes, I went couchsurfing again... At the time, I had no idea I was about to stay at one of the locations featured in Slumdog Millionaire... It was pitch black and I couldn't see the huge rock formation that stood in front of our building ( it houses a temple on top)... I knew Sushma would have been asleep and felt horrible about having to wake her up... But what else could I have done? I ended up staying with one of Sushma's friends, Anand, and they were all wonderful people (all involved in the film industry, it is Mumbai, after all)! I had the best time... Even took some dance lessons...
मुंबई Mumbai is the biggest city in India... It reminded me of Sao Paulo. I wasn't staying for very long so I wasn't too worried about seeing things because it would be impossible to fit everything in. So I just spent most of my time shopping... I really needed to get some clothes for the local hot weather and for Thailand so I did quite a bit of that. Thankfully, Sushma came with me and took me to the right spots and helped me negotiate prices at the shops. In one of the shops I got asked if I wanted to look like Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise or Shahrukh Khan... all I had to do to be like them was to buy a pair of fake Billabong shorts... Not my sort of fashion and I wasn't particularly interested in looking like anybody else but me.
I went to see the touristy area where the Gateway of India is located - also where the terrorist attacks happened a few weeks after I'd been there - It was pretty obvious for me that if shit ever had to happen in Mumbai it would happen there... I didn't even bother going inside Cafe Leopold because I wasn't in India to enjoy a Heineken in the company of Anglos. What shocked me the most about the area was that around the luxurious hotels there were hundreds of beggars, all of whom spoke perfect English, and by perfect I mean some sounded a lot better than highly educated Indians I met while I was there... So that was really something... It meant that they had been around there for ages, generations... I took a few pictures and took off... It is a nice place for a stroll. Here is a picture I took of the area when the rather expensive hotels were still looking very good.
I adored Mumbai... It is exciting... My favourite thing was catching the city train! Trying to figure out where to buy a ticket, what ticket to get and most importantly... How the hell does one get in a carriage??? There are so many people inside them that some were hanging out the door and all they were using to make sure they didn't fall off was their little finger... Then there are empty first class carriages and women-only carriages... I felt so stupid not knowing where to go and what to do... People inside the trains were nice, they helped each other and kept a friendly face on at all times... So not like a Monday morning on public transport anywhere western... It was great fun! There's plenty of nice food at affordable prices everywhere and I'm sure there's a wonderful nightlife too... Unfortunately I didn't get to party during my stay, a mistake I won't make next time. India was definitely the best part of my trip... It is such a complex country that it felt like a different planet to me... 2 weeks was just not long enough at all and not enough time to digest all I saw... I want to return and see more of it... It is so different everywhere you go... I suppose what I loved the most was that there is very little room for bullshit and everything is in your face... You can't hide from evil while you're there but you must appreciate the good things! It is all about survival... Next up all about Thailand, the last stop!!! ( including a Portuguese podcast of India and Thailand adventures...) April 07 ह्रषिकेश ह्रषिकेश ह्रषिकेश!!!Rishikesh - India
You Give Me Fever When I Have No Bananas After muchos wild partyingz in Noida I decided to head North... I wasn't really sure of where to go so I just followed Lena, a lovely Russian being that turned up at H100 one early morning. We caught a bus and it took us a good nine hours to reach Rishikesh from Noida... Unfortunately for my health, pretty much all the windows of our bus were broken so let's just say it was a bit cold overnight with all the wind coming in... I had a warm jacket but I should've really gotten my hands on some blankets like the other fellow local passengers did... Lena and I had to stick very close to each other to keep warm... Very sweet and human but by the time I got to Rishikesh I was burning hot with a fever... Did I mention sweating my life away? I was completely delirious... We got off the bus and had a walk to our guesthouse... The sun was rising and that holy city looked absolutely beautiful... The magnitude of the Ganga river made me forget about my poor current state... I was in the Himalayas!!! A perfect moment until I saw the monkeys... Yes, I'm chickenshit and especially when I am delirious... I was afraid the monkeys would attack just because all animals do it to me when they get a chance... I once was attacked by a chicken when I was about four, maybe that explains a lot... Maybe not... So I did what all the books I read had told me... I didn't look at the monkeys in the eye, I avoided eye contact at all costs, I tried to hide my bags from them, I didn't laugh (how could I?) and just kept as quiet as I possibly could... Then, about a dozen of them approached me... It was my lucky day... They didn't care about me... I was safe! Phewww!
Like a Yogi So what does one do in a holy city after they have recovered? Mind you there is no alcohol, meat or eggs for sale... What did the Beatles do in the late sixties when they were there to escape material wealth and the pressures of celebrity? They wrote over 40 songs, took a lot of drugs and studied transcendental meditation... Kate Winslet? I bet she was busy doing research for her role in Holy Smoke. A baba probably would have guessed the Oscar was gonna be hers this year... Would they have told her? Hahaha... Well, I was in the Yoga capital of India so obviously I had to finally take a yoga class... I had always been very scared of attending one because when I tried it in the past I had fits of laughter when people started hmmmmmmmmmmmming their mantras and also I was afraid to fart outloud like everybody else did. Luckily, there was none of that on my first class... Well, no farting... There were fits of laughter tho, we had to make animal sounds but it was ok... everybody laughed... My teacher was cool, look at him:
The Happiest Diwali
Not that I had planned it but I was in India for one of the biggest Hindu festivals there, Diwali, the Festival of Lights. It goes for five days but the third day, Lakshmi Puja is the most important of all. There is quite a lot of history behind it and many Hindu religious legends feature but, in a nutshell, it celebrates the victory of good over evil. People decorate their houses with diyas (lamps), electric lamps, clay lamps... They invite loved ones over for a feast, exchange presents and... yes, there are sweets... Delicious sweets!!! One cannot forget the firecrackers and the fireworks (that go on all night long!)... Incredible atmosphere! Here is a little poem by an unknown writer:
As echelons of zillion lights adorn, The lovely crew I was hanging out with adapted the traditions a little bit... For us it was a party... We dressed up, did a bit of face painting and went out on the streets with whistles wishing everyone a Happy Diwali! We even crashed a party at some guesthouse and it was quite funny... They were all sitting in the dark, drinking tea and then we turned up loud and colourful... All we could see were flashes because everyone that a had a camera started taking pictures... They weren't expecting anything like that during our visit. We hung out at different guesthouses all night... People would take turns and play the guitar, drums and the harmonica... Rosa Mimosa and Elena would sing beautifully ( I had it on video but unfortunately I accidentally deleted them from my camera and can't share them with you)... It was probably the Happiest New Year celebration I had in a while...
Rishikesh was truly special... Walking around the streets and hanging out with babas drinking chai and getting to learn about their spiritual pursuits (when they weren't trying to smoke hash discreetly) whilst being surrounded by the foothills of the Himalayas was just out of this world... There are lots of tourists (both Indian and international) in some particular areas and most of them seem to be there to meditate or learn yoga. Some of these people can be quite annoying... I'll give you an example... We were having lunch at a little restaurant one day and I had to hear an American guy going on and on about hunger being an emotional state and that no one really needed to eat... He was doing that at a restaurant whilst having lunch himself... and he would not shut up about it... (!!!) Another thing I found funny was that most of the hippie looking people there were being funded by "Mum and Daddy International Bank" which I find is always a great excuse to start ranting about the fucked up state of the world and look crazy in the coconut... It's not like they will ever have to endure all the poverty they see right in front of them or even work one day... So beware... Luckily, I found some really wonderful people! I feel so privileged to have met them and miss them heaps! Thanks to all of you for being there sharing Rishikesh with me!!! Here's some footage featuring Rishikesh superstars... directed by Lena... filmed shortly after my departure to Mumbai... (by the way, that's up next!)
March 24 उत्तरं यत्समुद्रस्य हिमाद्रेश्चैव दक्षिणम् वर्षं तद् भारतं नाम भारती यत्र संततिNoida - India
I felt a bit sad leaving Europe and heading to Asia... Simply because it meant I had only 3 weeks left of my trip before returning to Australia (at long last?!) ... However, I was very excited about finally going to kaleidoscopic India... I felt lucky to have the opportunity of being there! I was so proud I had finally made it there...
I didn't want to be hangin' with other tourists because India can be extremely difficult for a lot of people, especially westerners... It was very difficult for me already, I have to admit and this comes from a developing country child... So I didn't want to be around people that bitched and compared all the time so once again I tried a bit of couch surfing! "COUCHSURFING in INDIA???" I hear you ask... "Damn Right!" I say right back at you! And must add I was couch surfing with people that had no written references from anyone... I was their very first surfer. Sometimes virgins can be scary but their vibe felt right! So off to Noida I was... because that's where my hosts were!
Noida stands for New Okhla Industrial Development Authority, but my hosts preferred calling it "NoIdea". Noida is just a bit older than me... The town is only 32 years old but it is growing fast... Lots of IT offices there, Film City - where major TV networks and studios operate is also located there - and "NoIdea" is also the home of the prestigious Asian Academy of Film and Television. I suspect this is where my hosts went to school... I can't forget mentioning The Great India Place, one of the biggest malls in India... Security was tight with bag checks and metal detectors... Air conditioning inside is always at full blast, you'd think it is winter. Here is some footage of us going there as I had to buy myself some underwear ASAP... Fuck! I hate the fucker that stole my undies (and everything else) in Berlin! I love my Indian underwear... I chose tacky colours... browns, navy blue and grey... Thank Vishnu I don't drop my pants in front of others very often...
Noida is destined to world fame very soon... The world's tallest building was going to be built there but now that plans for that have been scrapped there is news that Noida will be the host of the F-1 Grand Prix in India... So it will no longer be known just as "a place near Delhi". And so I hope...
Getting to Noida was strange... to say the least... I walked out of the plane and couldn't quite believe how small the airport in Delhi looked... I couldn't get over the number of people waiting at arrivals either... There seemed to be thousands of people there, and it was late at night... There were armed guards... When I went to an ATM to get cash out, one of the guards came in with me, he took my money out of the machine and handed it to me, the gun was on his other hand... I went and tried to book a taxi to take me over to Noida, I was told to pre book them at the airport so I wouldn't get ripped off but that's exactly what they tried to do in there... I went outside, it was hot as fuck and there were flies everywhere! They loved my white T-shirt, my nose, my ears... I was covered in them... Everybody was covered in flies... I headed to a small booth and paid a little commission to get the right price, I jumped in a taxi... The driver seemed to be new, he was given a lot of instructions, I had receipts, I had to hand them to someone before we left the premises... I was finally on my way!
Horn Please!
Inside the tiny vehicle I was in... I took off not knowing what I was gonna see... I was in India... I could hear it! It was about 4 a.m. but the traffic was an absolute shocker! I was trying to understand what was the logic behind it all... Why were there 7 cars travelling side by side on a 3 lane way? Why would my driver just squeeze in wherever he could? Why was the side mirror of the car on the right so next to my ear? Why was there a cow on my left so next to me? Why didn't the man that just ran in front of all those cars get hit by one? Why is it taking so long? What happens if an emergency vehicle needs to get through? How the fuck do these cars don't crash? Why do they use their horns so much? Will it ever stop? Will I go crazy? Is it me or just my imagination that sees the request "horn please" at the back of every truck? If it is like this at 4 a.m. what is rush hour gonna be like? Is he going the right way? Then I just thought that there were over one billion people living in India... and that like me they needed to get somewhere too... No matter how. So we get to Noida... We can't find the address... There is no phone number to contact my hosts... The driver kept asking around... People pointed us in all sorts of different directions... We were lost for over one hour when we finally got close to where we were supposed to be... Only this time around when my driver got out of the car to ask for help, two men approached and one held a big-fuck-off-piece-of-wood... I didn't, for a minute, think that they were going to hit me but I was certain that they would kill the guy that was driving my car... Thankfully, that didn't happen... They were security and they told us exactly where we needed to go! It was pretty late... I only wondered if my hosts were still awake... If they really existed... If they were ready for me... If you could still hear all the horn punchin' from their home... H100 - House of Joy
As soon as the driver stopped, H100's door opened... Derek, the guy that looked like the guy on the couchsurfing site (phew!) had his arms up in the air... He pronounced my name perfectly and didn't look like he had been sleeping... Then Leo, yes, another Leo, smiled at me and that was it... I was the first couch surfer in H100... The most welcoming home in all of Noida... Before I got the chance to sit down I was offered some aussie beer... and guess what beer it was??? Foster's!!! Oh... how ironic... and how thoughtful of them! We sat down, we talked a lot, mostly about films and German criminals, we listened to music... These were some really good people! They had a party set up for the following night and more guests were arriving... Leaving H100 was a hard thing to do... There was wireless broadband internet, good tunes playing, good food and good people constantly in and out of the doors... There were parties every night, those included YouTube screenings and random dancing moments... All sorts of people came to the house, from all sorts of different places... It was just too good! That is why I didn't go see Delhi... The locals in Noida were nice too... I remember how random people would just come up and tell you really deep and meaningful messages, share little lessons they had learnt in life... So doing simple things like going to get more beer, or some food was always extraordinary because of all the people you'd meet... There were not many tourists around so we got all the attention and the boys were quite popular in the area as they had been living there for months and even managed the language... Most of the people that hung out at H100 when I was there were film students... So I was pretty happy to be around... Have a look at some of their work...
Delhi - India
The only I saw of Delhi was a nightclub (typical, really)... I don't know its name or where it was... I was invited to Sosthene's birthday party, he was from Ivory Coast and so were most of his guests... Really funky people that love to smile... When we got to the club in Delhi we seemed to be on the guestlist, we walked in and I could not believe how luxurious that place was... We headed to some sort of lounge area... People sitting there were all having dinner and being served by well trained waiters and waitresses in stylish uniforms. I didn't even care to look at prices or the menu... I knew it would cost me a fortune. I just followed instructions... I was given a green bracelet and that meant I could drink all the beer I could get within a certain time. I watched the waiters panic when they looked at the amount of empty bottles at our table... I also watched their looks of disapproval when Lena and Derek started dancing there... All the other tables around us were occupied by upper middle class and rich young Indians that also disapproved of our behaviour... at first... cos later on everyone jumped up to dance in that non-dancing spot. It was fun to watch a space that was tense with everyone competing to "be seen" turn into a fun unprententious dancefloor. Oh them crazy westerners! The area upstairs was an open-air rooftop... It was pretty crowded and it was a VIP dancefloor... The music was out of this world, just too good to be true... I tried to grab the DJ's name but it was impossible to move around... let alone talk and be heard... He was playing electro (!) and there seemed to be a lot of enthusiasts there! There were all sorts of people - from local trendoids to drunk western business men - and all hands were up in the air! I couldn't believe my eyes or my ears... When I tried to go back up a second time, a bouncer didn't allow it... Apparently I needed to have an extra stamp?! a VIP stamp?! I already had about 3 stamps and a bracelet...and I had already been upstairs?! What stamp??? I had just learnt bureaucracy is a constant in India... I couldn't be bothered... We also visited another club that night... It was under a 5 star hotel... I can't remember the name... When we got there they confiscated my camera... No photos were allowed inside... Security was very tight... Inside they were playing psytrance... So I don't really need to say how high and drunk some of the people were... In the smoking room I heard of drug fuelled parties and watched others get invited to them... I couldn't quite fit in that room somehow... I headed back to the dancefloor and we partied til early in the morning... It was all I got to see of Delhi... a night of luxury and constrast.
Then I hit Rishikesh... that's coming soon...
February 20 Oh Hesa!Helsinki - Finland
I flew business class to Finland... courtesy of the lovely Polish check-in lady that felt very sorry for me when I told her the reason why I had very little luggage was because someone took my 40kgs away from me in Germany... She was also very excited about the fact I had been travelling the world and told me she would get me a really comfy seat for that flight... See, I love the Poles! Inside the aircraft I couldn't believe how good the seat was... and also had a little trouble trying to figure out where everything was with so many buttons and compartments at hand. Unfortunately it was only a short flight... so not a lot of time to indulge in a world I didn't really belong to. I kept in mind I would tell that story at the check-in for every flight I had left because back then I thought it would work... It turns out it did not... I really don't get to abuse my luck... I should've known! Ms. Itknonen
For my stay in Helsinki (48 hours only!) I once again played the couchsurfer... I am thankful that Katri took me in because once again it was very short notice from me! We got to hang out quite a bit because it was pretty wet outside to go out and play... and did I mention COLD?! So yep, lots of snacks, interwebs, Friends (yes, the series) and general debauchery. Lots of planning too... As usual I was more interested in Helsinki's nightlife than anything... After all it was my last weekend in Europe and I take any excuse to party... Valokarnevaali
Keeping the tradition of finding major events at my destinations by pure luck, I found out I had made to Helsinki just in time to enjoy the very last day of their Carnival of Lights. Linnanmäki is an amusement park that helps raise funds for child welfare work in Finland... The Carnival of Lights is the last chance the Finns get to enjoy lovely rides before winter hits them hard and they have to close... It is a beautiful autumn out there and there are plenty of lights and shows to enjoy! Katri was keen on going back to take some photos of fire acrobats she had seen prior that week and I was keen on riding rollercoasters... There were many... and the park was pretty empty which meant I got to ride them over and over again, sometimes all by myself... Embarassing to the point I made friends with a lot of kids who would scream everytime they saw me around... I think they were able to find inspiration in a retarded grown up that seemed to be having just as much fun as they did up and down the rollercoasters in 5 degrees Celsius temperatures. I totally adore rollercoaster rides... something the people who were in charge of the rollercoasters were able to pick up so they kept offering me extra rides and I was happy to accept them... I am sure they thought it was the first time I had seen a rollercoaster in my life and that I was "special" to say the least... I didn't care... A little Peter Pan Syndrome has never killed anyone...
Architecture in Helsinki Noooo, not the band! Actually, I have spread the word around in Finland... They are not very aware of the existence of the aussie group but I did show them how they could do the whirlwind and I think they love it... But, literally speaking, Helsinki is beautiful! I didn't get to see much but when the sun came out I ran exploring...
Nightlife Oh where to go??? Everyone kept telling me to go to Don't Tell Mother, known by the locals as DTM... So off we went... There was a London crew from the (in)famous Salvation night putting the music on... How good is that name for a gay club?! The Finns are hot and they love to party! The dancefloor was packed and it was a lot of fun... I loved that people dressed up and there was a bit of everything... from a dominatrix in black leather to haute couture... Only problem??? The night in Helsinki ends at 4a.m. So it is a bit like rush hour trying to get home when they thrown everyone out from every single venue in town... Everybody hits the streets... Lots of drunken behaviour... People pissing in corners, lots of fights breaking out and you know what else... I was sad to be going home that early... but regulations are regulations and 4 a.m. it's not too bad... Also I must say that they had the best smoking room ever... It was designed like a prison cell and there was a phone like the ones we see in films when they have someone visiting and there's the glass in between with the phone, you know what I mean?! So smokers can speak to their non-smoking friends through the device... There is also a nightvision camera and what goes on inside is screened to the people outside... So for those who think they're in the dark and no one can see them, well... don't feel people up and don't get too hot in there or you could be the Paris Hilton of the night. The next night much to Katri's surprise I wanted to go out again! "ON A SUNDAY???" she asked... and I felt terribly bad because for me going out on Sundays is routine and Mondays are never blue either... Huahauhauaha... So we decided to check We Got Beef. It was a bit bizarre, there were a lot of Goths and some guy from some Finnish metal band... They also had the best cider I have ever had in my life... To die for! I didn't even bother asking where their beef was... Orkut and Näkemiin
Absolutely love Finland... I learnt orkut means orgasm, I learnt that cows and cars are sort of related in their language and that they have a lot of young folks running for their elections... 48 hours was just not enough and I vow to return for some more fun in the best named bars in the world serving the best cider ever and the sexy people that love to dance til the clock hits 4 a.m. Also, thank you very much Katri for showing me Helsinki like the true Helsinki it is... Vinaka sara vakalevu!!! Now here is a lovely video I made of Helsinki... Thanks to Katri for letting me use her camera... I had run out of batteries on mine...
Extras All about India is coming next...
February 17 Miasto Stołeczne Warszawa - Contemnit ProcellasWarsaw - Poland
My Polish bus drivers were great! I really needed a laugh after all the shit I had gone through in Berlin and they certainly helped me with that... Once they found out I was Brazilian they made me feel very welcome... They made it very clear to me they were soccer fans ( by dropping the names of every single legendary brazuca player), they sang the Girl from Ipanema, they asked about our carnaval, samba and all the other (in)famous things Brazil has to offer. They were simple people, the sort you always wished you could hang with during cigarette breaks.
Another fine Polish encounter happened during a meal break. I was starvatious and spotted a hamburger lady! She spoke no English, I spoke no Polish so pointing our finger did wonders... What didn't do any wonders for me was to try and pay her in euro... Whoopsie! I didn't know they weren't using it yet... Lots of nodding, embarassment and awkward moments followed but she took the money and I learnt my lesson. She was really nice... and so were the Polish hamburgers filled with lots and lots of spicy salad (well, cabbage mostly)!!!
I knew Poland was going to be fun because they don't really think they're the shit just because they're in Europe. They have been through a lot, things are changing there... It was fun to watch!
Botox Express and My First Ever Pair of Boots
I really needed to buy some clothes and shoes to have something to wear whilst my only clothes were in the wash... So I was taken to Złote Tarasy to do so... It was a really nice looking place... But I couldn't really afford anything there. I don't usually buy my stuff in malls for that reason. Plus I can't really pay too much for clothing items, it makes me feel really stupid and futile. So I just walked around trying to find bargains and staying clear from DVD and CD stores ( I got no problem spending money I can't afford in these types of retailers and most definitely don't feel stupid or futile at all).
One shoe shop had a really nice pair of boots on sale... I have always wanted a pair of boots. Always!!! But were they really necessary?! Oh yes, they were! I needed to feel better... I needed to please myself... I had just lost everything I had so why not get something I never had but always wanted? It was therapy... So what if I had nothing to wear?! Everyone looks good naked in a pair of boots!!!
Another find at the mall was a Botox Express centre... Yes, that's right! I thought it was a bit bizarre that the option was there... I also couldn't really cope with the logic of getting a botox injection when you go shopping at a mall... Each to their own, I suppose!
Warsaw Is Not Boring
People bitch about Warsaw not being the most exciting of places... "Go to Krakow!" is something I often heard when I said I was going to Poland. Yeah, yeah... Krakow might be cool but I really loved Warsaw... Unfortunately, I didn't really get to see a hell of a lot of it because of the horrid weather but still...
The first thing I noticed was the history of the city strongly reflected in its architecture... Some of the typical residential blocks of the Communist era may still be around but extremely modern skycrapers are taking over... Visiting the Historic Centre of Warsaw is mandatory... It is stunning! Everything had to be rebuilt after the Second World War, after all, about 85% of the town was destroyed back then... The Communist regime that followed didn't help the situation much and today, Warsaw is still scarred by the events. If you are a German tourist I would advise not to be asking what the signs posted on the walls say to avoid embarassment... A quarter of the population was killed during the war and Poland was by far the country that suffered most with WWII.
Walking through town I also got lucky again and got to experience the change of guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
On my visit to the Centre for Contemporary Art, at Ujazdowski Castle, I got to see Fly by Yoko Ono. John Lennon helped her out in the making and the autobiographical film is greatly influenced by Andy Warhol. Here is an excerpt I found on YouTube... Some of her other Instruction works were on display too... Lots of interaction from visitors who could all participate in her Mend Piece for Warsaw installation. In a white room there were tables and chairs. Pieces of broken dishes, jugs, bowls along with tape, cord and glue on the tables... Visitors were invited to put the pieces back together in whatever way they wanted... Some people didn't mind leaving Yoko nasty messages...
There was more than Yoko to be seen... I did check out contemporary Polish photography and other contemporary artists... Warsaw is a good place for art, there was a lot to see and stuff there seemed to be really different from what I had seen in the rest of Europe. Less pretentious attitude and not afraid of controversy...
Nightlife
I loved the nightlife in Warsaw... There were lots of good music being played everywhere and nice little bars hidden in bunker style places!!! The bars and clubs had a lot of character. It was nice to walk into a place that looked like no other place I'd been before... Like this little bar that was decorated in orange, the walls were covered in orange fur! They played excellent minimal electronica, you could smoke in there and prices were friendly (ohh wait... I didn't have to pay for any of my drinks! Thanks Jakub!!!). I don't recall a sign with a name outside, as a matter of fact, there was nothing outside indicating such a cool place was to be found inside so that made it even better... There are lots of little cool bars in this same area, they're all concentrated in this bunky thing and access doors are very tiny... Don't ask me how to get there, but consult a Varsovian!
I had to try clubbing... So after a lot of research and some tough decision making we picked a club called Saturator. They play electro and its trendy sub-genres... It is located near a few other venues and it is an unusual place... I did take pictures but on my mobile phone only and I don't have a cord to transfer them to my computer yet so I'm afraid you will have to be satisfied with my description... Let's just say that there were fluoro statues of infamous politicians and "cock-snails" on the walls... There were 3 levels... In the basement people danced the hardest... The night we were there we got to boogie to some awesome resident DJs and German queer electro sensation Noisy Pig... A rather bizarre act to watch but everybody was having fun... Say what you say or do what you do, you can't deny Noisy Pig is an unpretentious fella and that is something a bit hard to find in the electro scene these days... He's not posing or trying to be the next cool review of i-D magazine... He's just playing with his toys and you can see how happy he gets when people dance to it. It is pretty funny too... When was the last time beats and bleeps have made you laugh? Here, check one of his quirky performances...
On the ground floor you will find the bar and upstairs you will find more music and yet another bar. For that same night there were 3 young kids DJing... They played electro, of course... I don't think I had seen people that young DJing before... It was pretty cool! They were so passionate about their music... and didn't give a rat's arse if people weren't listening or dancing... It was their party... They looked like bloggers... Absolutely adored Saturator! Quirkiest night out of my whole trip...
Do ZobaczeniaI love Poland!!! The pierogis, the Barszcz biały, the Barszcz czerwony... The Polish people were also very welcoming and sexy (to me... at least)! A big Thank You to Jakub and Eri for showing me around, trying to get me drunk and for giving me clothes and potato vodka!!! Huahuahauahauha... Do Zobaczenia!!!
Extras
Next up... I fare Goodbye to Europe in Finland!
January 30 Zeitgeist MetropolisBerlin - Germany
I'm not gonna bore you with the details of yet another bus ride ( see, I do what I can to contain my carbon emissions... like taking buses as opposed to flying...) in Europe... Because I think I slept all the way through this one...
Getting to Germany was a bit scary! I was unable to find a couchsurfing host there ( short notice and people in Germany can be a bit strange) and did not know anyone in town... I did not have any plans, maps or anything really... I just sort of got there! First I had to find my hostel in trendy Kreuzberg. Easy! I was excited about staying there because it did look like I was finally gonna be able to hang around some young people (see Portugal's post about youth hostels if you couldn't get the irony here). But it turned out that all the cool people were out and about and only the geeks were left to take advantage of the free wi-fi internet... I was still not interested in playing the tourist and decided to take a short walk to check out the local area... Lots of nice little bars, some nice food (of course I had to try the Currywurst!) and clubs there. I spotted the former Berlin wall too, but preferred to save that for the next day and head to the city instead... I had always dreamed of a night out in Berlin! It was all about to come true...
Berlin bei Nacht
I had decided to go and see Disco Boys play at GMF, a Sunday afffair at popular club Weekend. On a Sunday, as far as I knew, it was either that or the infamous Kit Kat Club! I wish I had gone to Kit Kat because the Disco Boys' sound didn't really impress me (wanna check their MySpace and argue?)... and when I met some people staying at my hostel there (!!! an Aussie chick included!) they told me how exciting their time was at Kit Kat the night before... But Weekend is a nice venue... It is up in some building (that took me forever to find!) and it is nice to look out of the windows on both the 12th and 15th floor... It is also a bit bizarre catching the lift to transit between the two levels with a bunch of party people and a bouncer...
However, the best thing that happened that night was finding out about The Order of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and getting to meet them... When you see a dwarf drag queen dressed up as a nun rolling her way into the club in a wheelchair you really have to ask yourself just how much you had to drink or how spiked was your drink so I was glad to find out that neither had happened to me and that what I was seeing right before my eyes was pure indulgent reality! I since then have found out more about their work and love them to death...
Unfortunately I had to miss a lot of the spots I wanted to go to... As I only had just over 24 hours in Berlin, mostly due to my budget... I had to get out of Europe ASAP cos the Euro was fucking me up really bad... It didn't really help me that work wasn't paying up monthly as agreed and that when they finally payed me I got 60% of it taxed... So I really couldn't hang out in Berlin for much longer and wait for the next weekend to start... I know that Tresor kinda sucks now but I still would have liked to have seen it and I really would have loved Berghain... I must go back... I didn't really party enough there!!!
Berliner Mauer
On my last day in Berlin, I slept in... The weather wasn't very nice and I was really depressed that I had to leave already... So there was no point in trying to see anything because there was too much to see and very little time to see it... So I just went to see the former Berlin wall, I walked through all that is left of it... and I loved it... It was better than going to one of the hundreds of museums there. The Berlin wall ( who would have thought?!) became a symbol of freedom! People from all over the world leave notes there... There is anything from street art stencil work to love poems dedicated to loved ones... I spent hours and hours looking through it all and you might just understand how excited I was about the whole thing when you access the photo gallery below. I just thought it was the best thing in Berlin ( now that is just history) and it is not something a visitor of the city can miss... It was cool being there because I can still remember how in 1989 the wall went down, I remember watching it all on TV and being too young to understand why those people were so happy about bringing down a wall but I could still understand their happiness... It is one of the few historical events I shall never forget and aged 9 I also never thought one day I'd make it there... It was a nice way to farewell Berlin... Except, Berlin had more surprises for me!
Diebstahl or ZOB = Hell
I think I have already mentioned I was travelling with 40 kgs of shit... I sort of put everything I loved and treasured into my two suitcases when I left because I thought maybe I'd like to stop and stay somewhere along the way... The option of never returning was definitely there. It wasn't as hard as you would think to go around carrying 40 kgs but still it was a little difficult. That is the reason why I chose to leave my suitcases safely guarded in a locker both in Amsterdam and Berlin. I had no problems in Amsterdam but when I got back to Berlin's ZOB lockers... My locker was free... It was empty and free for anyone to hire! Here is a picture of ZOB (it was taken by some random, not me)... It is my least favourite place in the whole world...
I knew right there and then that I would never ever see my things again... I had to prepare myself psychologically to avoid a breakdown of any kind... I was in Germany, heading to Poland, Finland, India and Thailand and all I had left was a couple of sets of clothes, my laptop and my camera (Luckily, I had packed those and took them with me to the hostel). I also had very little money. In short, I was fucked! Then I forbad myself from thinking about all of the good things that had been taken away from me... I could no longer think of all the cool clothes I had bought in Brasil, the presents my friends had given me for my birthday in Portugal, the presents I had bought for my friends in Australia, the rare K7 singles my friend in L.A. had sent me and all the sentimental things I would never retrieve... I just couldn't allow myself to think about any of that... It was all gone!
After a long hard difficult deep breath I then thought there was room for hope so I went to see the guy at the information desk. I asked them if there was any chance the locker company would have moved stuff from the lockers for any particular reason. I explained my situation and got told to call the police as they were the only ones that could help. I tried phoning the company too, but there was no answer and I couldn't really understand the message in German... So off to call the German police I went... When I phoned I asked for someone that spoke English and then told them what had happened, they told me to wait that they would be on their way. So I waited, but the police never arrived. So I called them again and was told the same thing... They finally got there 40 minutes later... They weren't very sure of what to do... They had a look at the locker and insisted that it hadn't been broken into (even though it was bent and there was a scratch on the paintwork where the lock was) and that the key was probably defective... They tried calling the company too, but it was late at night... Then, they spoke to the arrogant information desk guy who was "surprisingly" cooperative this time around... I didn't know what the fuck was being said or done so I asked the female cop " What is going on?" and she replied " I don't know!" Great! Love your fucking work! We weren't getting anywhere so I just told them to be honest... So that's what they did... " Sorry, it is impossible for us to find the bags, we could look at the video security footage, but it could have been anyone and they could be anywhere. We are never gonna find them." So I replied " So basically, I am screwed!" to which their response was " Yes, you are screwed!" They offered to drive me to the Brazilian Embassy... but I really didn't think there was much point hanging out there... Oh well, at least, I got a police report... Definitely useful as I had no travel insurance (which I'm happy about, it costs too much and they wouldn't have paid me enough money anyways)...
The cherry topping the icing of the cake was having to wait all night at ZOB for my bus to Poland... It never turned up so I had to leave the next morning and spent the whole night awake at the station being paranoid and checking if people I saw on the street were wearing any of my clothes... Hahaha... I must say I still enjoyed my time in Berlin. I love that I was robbed there and not in places like Brazil or India that get all the bad reputation. I sometimes still wonder about the person(s) that stole my stuff... I just hope they really needed those 40 kgs more than me.
I was glad my time in Berlin was up and couldn't wait to get to Poland...
Die Scheiße stinkt fürchterlich!!!
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